A dear friend of mine who runs a boutique reputation management firm sent me a thought-provoking article. She found it so interesting that she actually typed it and sent it out to her friends. To protect her privacy, I am going to keep her identity a secret.

Since she found it so beautiful, I thought I would share this with all of you as this piece breaks some ‘stereotypes’ and Reputare is all about understanding stereotypes as the heart of the discipline of public relations. It’s also a subject that would touch you in some way, someday..in the past or in the future.

Since this came typed to me, I claim no intellectual ownership of this content as my original creation. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I have.

THE CINDERELLA MAKEOVER

Is there any space for fairytale romances in love and relationships today? Absolutely. Only the rules have changed ….

As women, we have all grown up with the “Once Upon a time” fairytale. You know the one : “Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, there lived a princess…” It always had the same spin and the same happy ending , with the poor, fair maiden laying in wait expectantly for her prince, who of course comes to her rescue in his shining armour astride a white horse, upon which they both ride into the sunset and to a place called Happily Ever After. That’s the stuff our childhoods are made of, and pretty much all of us are genetically and socio-culturally programmed to buying into that idea of happily ever after. Well, recently I read an interesting new fairy tale, it reads as follows: “Once upon a time there was a princess. Along came a prince who asked her if she’s like to ride on his white horse. She said, ‘I’d like to take a ride on your horse, but I can’t right now because I’m a little busy getting my OWN horse. Go ride off into the sunset without me, and I’ll catch up a little later so then we can ride side by side.”

Wow. I think we’re onto something here, I thought. This little re-write was neither suggesting that women play the victim card, looking to be ‘rescued’ by the man of their dreams, nor was it corollary to the feminist way of thought that women are perfectly capable and happy to take care of themselves and don’t need a man complete their lives. It’s an in between road that I feel speaks out loud and clear to the woman of this new century we’ve just embarked upon. I am not a feminist. Hardly. Or else I wouldn’t be writing this. I believes in romance and all the candy floss stuff to harlequin day-dreams. I‘m not a victim either. Bandage is more freely available than princess, if you’re looking for a saviour. If anything there are two pearls of wisdom that I have over the years come to fully understand, appreciate, and live by: Love finds you the minute you top looking for it . And, love like you’ve never been hurt.

Maybe it’s something to do with your settling in your 30s , but the more women I talk to, the more I am acutely sensing this silent awakening. Several of my closest girlfriends are beautiful, intelligent, successful, funny and happy single women. They know how to fix something when it breaks, and do so without having to need a man. But here’s the thing: that doesn’t necessarily WANT a man. Realising this difference between needing and wanting, they’ll put their feet up and say , “Oh Sure! I’d love to one day. If it happens to come my way –great!” Now pay attention ladies here to the words “If it comes my way.” What they’re essentially saying is rather than filling a void that can be filled by walking into someone else’s ready-made life and making his life your own , they’ve filled their own lives with so much goodness and light which they’re more willing to share with the right man eventually invite him to enter their space. When you start focussing on yourself and making you the priority, you begin to shine like a beacon so bright it’s almost irresistible. Before you know it , you’ll have men thinking in their heads , “Damn , she has the most amazing life. I want a piece of THAT!” I know many who personally would vouch for this.

So what happens once that proverbial love finds you ? Happily ever after doesn’t come with any guarantees, warrantees or expiry dates. Love is the ultimate gamble and the stakes are super high; many are too scared to lose and so they hold themselves back. Perhaps we should all approach love like we would business. Are we satisfied with running the corner convenience store because it’s safe , or are we talking about a hugely successful corporation whose ethos is, to win big you have to play big and take calculated risks that ensure continued and exponential growth? With growth comes failure – it’s just part and parcel of the game. If we all lived in fear of getting killed tomorrow, our today would be a pretty forgettable few hours in the greater scheme of things .The female heart has an infinite capacity to love , which is one of the most beautiful things about being a woman. Unfortunately, men take an emotional beating far harder and take longer to come out from the rabbit holes they’ve dug deep to protect themselves from getting hurt again. When heartbroken, women go through the cycle of emotions more intensely but faster. They’ll get it all out –Cry, scream, rant, rave, and cry some more – and then it’s almost over! When you’ve come out of that cycle embrace it. Surrender, let go, you don’t always have to be in control. We’ve all read The secret which hits the nail bang on the head when it likens us all to giant magnets: Love life and life will love you back. If you surrender yourself to love and are open to it being a constant in your life in one way another without fear, you’ll be rewarded ten-fold. Be selfish and let it enter your life. When your heart’s been broken, it’s fantastic preparation for when the real deal turns the corner and bumps into you, you’ll be more equipped to recognise true love the next time it happens to you. And everything that’s taken place in your life up till that point was an education prepping you for this moment.

Perhaps this couldn’t hold true more than if you’ve ever gone through a divorce. Barring the death of a loved one, divorce can be the single most shattering experience of anyone’s life. In today’s increasingly maddening and hectic world, divorce is like a rampant epidemic. And I’m not so sure if it’s a sad statistic that I know more happily divorced people than happily married ones. If I actually take a look and examine all the divorced women I know, they are …. Happy. The so-called ‘stigma’ is slowly lifting. Most married really young. Most married and yet alone. Egged on by their parents and family. They grow up in their marriage. And sometimes, as it may happen when you marry too early, they grow apart and into very difficult individuals who want different things in their life. Today, these women are successful stockbrokers, artists, jewellers, fashion designers, architects, entrepreneurs and they’re out there having the time of their lives. They’re taking exotic vacations, they’re dating. They’re falling in love again, they’re falling out of love, and they’re brushing themselves off and doing it all over again. Because to have a special someone in their lives is like a sweet bonus, garnish on an already very delicious sundae.

These are our 21st century Cinderellas. In today’s fairytale re-write, she’ll be throwing her own, “if the shoe fits’ ball, which all the princes in the land will be clamouring to attend. She’s all women, feminine and dignified, and will graciously accept the attentions of the modern–day Heathcliff, Mr. Darcy, and Prince charming. Lancelot and Romeo who are utterly baffled by this strong, independent, proud and self-respecting Cinderella. And utterly captivated. In relationships and romance, there’s nothing more attractive to man than a woman who has dignity and pride in who she is. Our Cinderella has her own castle (mortgaged or not, it’s still her own ), she’s got her own chariot , she’s got her own diamond ring , and she grows her own fruits and vegetables. She’s not perfect, and thus the spell is cast. She still makes him feel like a man and do all the thing men for centuries have done – be the provider, the bread-winner, the caregiver, the fixer. Only now, he doesn’t feel pressured to assume that role because he has to, but because he wants to. Besides, somebody’s got to water that vegetables garden.

So that mythical place called Happily Ever After? It exists inside each and every single of us. Once found, it enables us to have far more enriching and lasting relationships. Love and relationships isn’t such a scary thing after all. All it needed was a little makeover.

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Tags: 21st century cinderella, Brand Reputation, love and relationships, modern day cinderellas, Public Relations, reputation management firm, the cinderella makeover